Man, life can get busy. I’m sure you have noticed that. Life can pull you in so many different directions that you can find yourself, day after day, having spent no more than a few minutes (or maybe even less) fellowshipping with your spouse or kids (not to mention God who we should certainly be spending time with). Most people don’t feel this way in their hearts, but their actions are saying they value all the other stuff more than their spouse or kids; things like work, church service, errands, housework, yard work, and other demands and pressures. We need to take time to turn our backs on all that stuff, and focus on the people who are important. This shouldn’t be an occasional thing either — we need to do it frequently. “What about all the other stuff?”, you wonder. Trust God; if you get your priorities right, He will work with you and you will see all the other things wortk themselves out.
Archive for April, 2009
Take some time
Friday, April 17th, 2009Mission Trip Coming Up
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
Rebekah and I have been invited to come to the Czech Republic in September to do three conferences. We have been asked to do our “How to Save Your Marriage Alone” seminar, a women’s conference, and a men’s conference. The Czech Republic is a small country in central Europe. It used to be part of Czechoslovakia, and it was a communist nation up until 1989. The Czech Republic has the highest divorce rate in the European Union, so we are glad for this opportunity. We have ministered there twice in the past. In 2007 we did a marriage conference and a premarital conference (students from several colleges and high schools attended this one). We also did a men’s meeting and a women’s meeting. God really gave us a love for the people there and we look forward to going back.
Can You Save Your Marriage Alone?
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009Many people are pretty much in their marriage alone. At worst, their spouse wants a divorce. At best, their spouse is uninterested, unloving, and cold. Is it possible for the spouse who wants the relationship to do anything to save it? The answer is yes. In fact, most marriages are saved when one spouse, acting alone, takes the initiative to save the marriage.
I know it can be done because that is the situation we were in 18 years ago. We were headed for divorce. A PhD psychologist we were seeing for counseling told us that in her 15 years of practice we were the only hopeless couple she had ever seen. She told us we needed to get a divorce. Rebekah didn’t take that as the final answer, though. She acted alone to save our marriage, and she succeeded.
The biggest key to success is learning to love your spouse God’s way. Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Ephesians 4:32-42 (especially from the Amplified Bible) describe how God’s love acts. Our book, Marriage By The Book, and CD series, How to Save Your Marriage Alone, go into a lot of detail on this.
If you are in this situation, know that you aren’t alone, and there is hope.
Step Families
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009Stepfamilies can succeed, but they do face unique challenges. We have counseled and worked with quite a few stepfamilies, and there are a couple of common characteristics we see. One is that usually the couple forming the stepfamily has a sense of security going into this new relationship. The lessons learned from their previous failed relationship, they believe, will help them succeed this time. This usually is not the case. There is a sort of “Brady Bunch” mentality that everyone – parents and children – will blend quickly, love each other, and function like a “first” family. It usually doesn’t work like that. A second characteristic is frustration and hopelessness. Parents are torn between their new spouse and their children. It is typical for people in first marriages to stay married for the kids, and it is also typical to see step families divorce because of the kids.
BUT – THERE IS HOPE. Absolutely and definitely. Think about this; Jesus, Mary, and Joseph were a stepfamily. I think that family turned out pretty well. People say, “Yes, but that was Jesus.” Remember, Phil 2 tells us that Jesus laid aside his privileges and cam e to earth as a man. The Bible refers to him as “the man Jesus Christ.” Yes, He was God, but He was also very much a man.
Here are some keys to step family success. One, don’t try to force blending. Kids will resist pressure. Let it happen naturally. Do things to help build relationships between stepparents and children without pressure. Don’t try to hand off authority to soon; the biological parent will need to be the primary disciplinarian until a relationship is established. Finally, if you want your step child to believe that you love them, you need to show them that you love their biological parent. They equate you loving their biological parent with you loving them. Also, love between the parents brings a security to the relationship that allows the children to be more secure, unguarded, and open.
I am posting this on April 1st, but this is not a joke. Stepfamilies can be great.