I like the way The Message version of this scrioture reads. I believe it nails the spirit of what God was saying. Here it is — “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”
Think of the implications of this for marriage. Imagine how you want your marriage to be — what you are hoping for. God has a plan to get you there. That’s good stuff. We need to get in God’s plan, do things His way!
Being right is highly overrated. The relationship is more important than who is right and who is wrong. In marriage, and in most of life, we all like to be right. This presents problems in marriage because your spouse likes to be right too. Really, it isn’t even a matter of who is right; it’s a matter of who gets their way.
If something isn’t unscriptural, immoral, or illegal, then it is really just an opinion. What color should we paint this room? What should we spend our money on? Where should we go on vacation? What kind of toothpaste should we buy? What is shortest route to church? People get into fights day in and day out over their opinion about such trivial and not so trivial things. Are you willing to damage or lose your marriage over this?
As I said, the relationship is more important than who is right and who is wrong. This is a scriptural principle. Consider mankind’s relationship with God before Jesus came; who was right and who was wrong? Obviously, God was right and mankind was wrong. After all, it was man who sinned. Who came to make the relationship right? God did. So, you see, God considered His relationship with man to be more important than who was right. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave…”. Giving yourself is the greatest expression of love. In John 13:34 NIV, Jesus said, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
A key to a successful marriage is being willing to give yourself, this includes being willing to surrender your opinion for the relationship. When you do this, you place yourself in the middle of God’s way of doing things, and He will meet your needs.
You need to eliminate the word divorce from your vocabulary. It should never come out of your mouth when you are speaking about possibilities for your own marriage. The possibility of divorce brings insecurity into the relationship. Insecurity is a bad foundation; you cannot build anything stable and lasting on it.
Early in our marriage, Rebekah and I used to get into BIG arguments. Often, one of us would bring up the dreaded “D” word. It was the heat of the moment, we were mad, and boom — we would drop the bomb. Sometimes we would say it just so the other person didn’t get to say it first. It was as if the first one to bring it up had the advantage.
One day, in 1992, I told Rebekah that divorce was no longer an option for us. I told her we were going to make our marriage work. Sticking to it wasn’t easy. The next time we got into an argument, Rebekah brought it up. I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and say, “OK! Let’s get a divorce.” But I didn’t. I remembered our decision and said, “No! Divorce is not an option for us. I love you, and I am committed to you, and we are going to make our marriage work.”
That scenario played out one more time. The results were dramatic. Rebekah has told the story many times since. She says that it brought tremendous security to her when I took the stand that we were going to make our marriage work and that divorce was not an option. It was a huge step forward in our relationship. We have never allowed divorce to be mentioned as a possibility for us since then.
I challenge you; eliminate the word divorce from your vocabulary. Even if your spouse brings it up, don’t you follow suit. Do what we did and say “NO” to divorce.
MATTHEW 19:6 NKJV
…So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”