Archive for the ‘christian marriage ministry’ Category

Mission Trip Coming Up

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

Rebekah and I have been invited to come to the Czech Republic in September to do three conferences.  We have been asked to do our “How to Save Your Marriage Alone” seminar, a women’s conference, and a men’s conference.  The Czech Republic is a small country in central Europe.  It used to be part of Czechoslovakia, and it was a communist nation up until 1989.  The Czech Republic has the highest divorce rate in the European Union, so we are glad for this opportunity.  We have ministered there twice in the past. In 2007 we did a marriage conference and a premarital conference (students from several colleges and high schools attended this one).   We also did a men’s meeting and a women’s meeting.  God really gave us a love for the people there and we look forward to going back.

 

 

Posted in christian marriage ministry, save your marriage | 138 Comments »

Step Families

Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

Stepfamilies can succeed, but they do face unique challenges.  We have counseled and worked with quite a few stepfamilies, and there are a couple of common characteristics we see.  One is that usually the couple forming the stepfamily has a sense of security going into this new relationship.  The lessons learned from their previous failed relationship, they believe, will help them succeed this time.  This usually is not the case.  There is a sort of “Brady Bunch” mentality that everyone – parents and children – will blend quickly, love each other, and function like a “first” family.  It usually doesn’t work like that.  A second characteristic is frustration and hopelessness.  Parents are torn between their new spouse and their children.   It is typical for people in first marriages to stay married for the kids, and it is also typical to see step families divorce because of the kids. 

BUT – THERE IS HOPE.  Absolutely and definitely.  Think about this; Jesus, Mary, and Joseph were a stepfamily.  I think that family turned out pretty well.  People say, “Yes, but that was Jesus.”  Remember, Phil 2 tells us that Jesus laid aside his privileges and cam e to earth as a man.  The Bible refers to him as “the man Jesus Christ.”  Yes, He was God, but He was also very much a man. 

Here are some keys to step family success.  One, don’t try to force blending.  Kids will resist pressure.  Let it happen naturally.  Do things to help build relationships between stepparents and children without pressure.   Don’t try to hand off authority to soon; the biological parent will need to be the primary disciplinarian until a relationship is established.  Finally, if you want your step child to believe that you love them, you need to show them that you love their biological parent. They equate you loving their biological parent with you loving them.  Also, love between the parents brings a security to the relationship that allows the children to be more secure, unguarded, and open.

I am posting this on April 1st, but this is not a joke.  Stepfamilies can be great.

Posted in Stepfamilies, christian marriage ministry, marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage tips | 5 Comments »

Rihanna and Chris Brown

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

Many people are interested in this story, some for good reason since they are either in the same situation or they have a friend the situation.  I am going to make a comment, and admittedly, all I know is what the media has portrayed. 

Should Rihanna have taken Chris back? This is a common question. Well, Proverbs 14:7 says to leave the presence of a fool. In my book, someone who abuses you is a fool.

I have two daughters, one is 22 and the other is 13. I would advise them to turn loose anyone who is either physically or even verbally abusive, ESPECIALLY if you are not married to them. If not married, let go and move on; no matter what this person says, they do not truly love you — they do not have your best interests at heart. If you are married, I would recommend removing yourself (and kids) from the abuse; removing yourself from the situation does not necessarily mean divorce, but perhaps leaving the situation will give the abusive spouse the wake up call they need to make some needed changes.

Posted in christian marriage ministry, divorce | 2 Comments »

Say no to divorce

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

Hello everyone. Here’s another entry to help you have a better marriage.

You need to eliminate the word divorce from your vocabulary. It should never be considered as a possibility for your own marriage. The idea of divorce brings insecurity into a marriage, and you can’t build anything lasting on insecurity.

Many years ago, Rebekah and I used to get into BIG arguments. Many times, we would get angry and one of us would bring up divorce. Sometimes we would say it just so the other person didn’t get to say it first. It was as if the first one to bring it up had the advantage.

Then one day, along about 1992, I told Rebekah that divorce was no longer an option for us. I told her we were going to make our marriage work. She agreed, but sticking to it wasn’t easy. The next time we got into an argument, Rebekah brought it up. I was mad and wanted to jump on the bandwagon and say, “OK! Let’s get a divorce.” But I didn’t. I remembered our decision and said, “No! Divorce is not an option for us. I love you, and I am committed to you, and we are going to make our marriage work.”

This same thing happened just one more time. The results were dramatic. By saying no to divorce, we I brought tremendous security to her. It was a huge step forward in our relationship. We have never allowed divorce to be mentioned as a possibility for us since then.

I challenge you; eliminate the word divorce from your vocabulary. Even if your spouse brings it up, don’t you follow suit. Do what we did and say “NO” to divorce.

MATTHEW 19:6 NKJV
…So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Posted in christian marriage ministry, divorce, marriage help | 2 Comments »

Marriage By The Book

Friday, March 6th, 2009

Hello and welcome. I’m Rick Porterfield and this is my first blog. My wife Rebekah and I are Christian marriage ministers. We have been doing this since 1994 and we have seen hundreds of marriages improved and saved. We have seen marriages saved even when marital infidelity was involved. The truth is, any marriage, no matter how bad, can be saved. Also, any marriage, no matter how good, can be made better. Even if you are the only one who wants your marriage (i.e., your spouse doesn’t care) , there are things you can do by yourself to help save your marriage.

On this blog, I will be posting advice and tips to help you have a great relationship.

The first tip is shown above and it is a tip meant to give you hope — any marriage can be saved and any marriage can be made better. This is the absolute truth. The Bible offers the best guidance available for having a great and continuously growing relationship.

Keep checking back, and feel free to visit our website at marriagebythebook.org .

Posted in christian marriage ministry, marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage tips, save your marriage | No Comments »